Mother's Day

Mother's Day is approaching fast. Sunday 14th March and I'm not sure that I'm looking forward to it. I of course love being a mom but I also hate being without one. My mom passed away a few years ago. She never met my husband and therefore never met Amelia. I think about that everyday. Every single day. It's exhausting. I'd love to share the special bond mothers and daughters share after a baby arrives.

I felt so cheated when my mom died. With how she died. With her not knowing who I was when she died. With her being at my brother's wedding but not being at mine. Though none of that should be in past tense because I still feel like that. That's why we had a small non wedding wedding. I didn't want any of the thing's I'd planned with my mom as a dreaming teen.

I can't help but think about how much easier life would be if my mom was still here. For advice, quality time, conversation. I get SO annoyed when people give out about their mothers. BE GLAD SHE'S THERE!!!

I believe everything in life happens for a reason. I think I HAVE to believe that. But it is true. As much as I wish my mom was here, if she was I never would have met my husband. Well not in the same way anyway. I never would have travelled to Australia, I never would have met him, made some amazing friends and Amelia would not be here today. So there's the reason. Now if only the "reason" made it easier to miss her.

We have never said the word nana/nan or anything related around Amelia. She does stand in her crib laughing and talking to nana. I can hope right?

So mom......

Happy Mother's Day. I miss you always and love you always. I hope you're proud. I hope you're at peace. I hope you watch over my baby girl. I hope you're the reason she says nana. I hope you're who she smiles at when she's looking at nothing.